pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dicks are not precious.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
