Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
