Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My feet surprised me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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