I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
