jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
