Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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