i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
