I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
where are my eyebrows?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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