My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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