u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
