I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
