After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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