so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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