my mouth tastes like poor choices
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
