I love black thongs
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
