Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
