atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
