If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Little spoons don't ask big questions
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
