Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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