Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
