It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
