he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
