i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
