I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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