Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Panties = found
Randomize
