I puked a lego.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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