Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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