Say something about gay babies.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
