Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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