Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize