Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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