If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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