That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
