I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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