is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
