if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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