eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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