I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
