The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
