I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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