Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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