Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
