Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
