Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
