we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
