i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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