dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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