i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Shame is for Republicans.
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