I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
