Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
