I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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