her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
