i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
