If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
