I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
is that a dick in a sweater?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
