it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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