and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
