Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
