maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
