So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
