i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
