I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
