yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
