I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
