i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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