ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
