the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
