Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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