Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize