PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
