maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
