so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
