I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
