I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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