It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
