And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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