I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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