It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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